Sharing Ice Cream
by MSan
Summary: When Harry wakes to the haunting sounds of past days, he and Remus will find comfort in each other and in the ice cream they share. RR


Hey! This is my first try at a Remus and Harry bonding type fic after being inspired to write Remus fiction when I saw the Harry and Remus scenes in Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. I would like constructive criticism if you have it, but I would also like to know if you liked it! Thanks for reading!

Darkstar12

Disclaimer: Harry Potter characters in the books and films do not belong to me and I do not take credit for them. They are the work of J.K Rowling, Chris Columbus, and Alfonso Cuaron. I thank them for the beautiful characters they have created together!

Sharing Ice Cream

Harry could hear the soft _pad, pad_ of the paws on the floor downstairs. It was the third night he'd heard them. Every time he would go down to make absolutely sure that it wasn't Sirius padding around as a dog, causing mischief. And every time, he found nothing but cool darkness in the old musty house. It was all Harry could do to just lie still and not call out to Sirius, yell for him to come upstairs and make sure he was alright. Harry was sweating, and his hair was sticking to his forehead. The boy swung his legs off the bed, and rubbed his eyes. He had not slept this night and the _click, click_ of the dog's nails on the floor downstairs was driving Harry into madness. He stood up, scratching his head and glancing over his shoulder at the other bed to make sure Ron was still asleep. Harry pulled on an orange t-shirt over his blue boxers. The sixteen year old crept to the door and carefully pulled it open. He had to do it painfully slowly, or else a bone cracking squeak would wake everyone in the entire neighborhood. Harry slid out onto the third floor landing and headed down the stairs, automatically stepping around every squeak and groan that the staircase made.

The sixteen year old paused on the step just above the second floor landing. The room off of the landing was that of Severus Snape's. Or at least, the one he was inhabiting for a short period of time. Harry knew the man was the lightest sleeper on the planet, and worse, he would not shut his door before he lay down to sleep at night. Harry had been caught going downstairs several times by him. Not that he could really do anything about Harry going where he wished, but he always cranked and growled around and Harry could not get past his door until he was nearly asleep again. The landing did not help either, for the immense groan it let out when stepped on seemed to move every day, and Harry could never say for sure where it would be that particular evening.

Harry took a deep breath and stepped down, holding the air in his lungs until he was safely on the landing and no noise coming from the old wood. Harry's breath hissed out through his teeth and he looked into Snape's room. The man shifted under his blankets, but did not sit up or protest angrily. Harry hurried down the last flight of stairs and listened breathlessly to make sure no one had heard, or simply awoken for night phantoms, as he, himself, had. Harry could see the double doors to the kitchen. He wanted to go in and get something cold out of the charmed refrigerator, but he was breathing too heavily, to move. He did not know why his breathing was so labored, but he could hear his heart in his ears, faint, but pounding, like a distant pulsating rhythm. Harry placed a hand over his chest, gulped down two more deep breaths then stood straight. The sounds of the dog's paws had faded, as they always did, and now Harry's breathing was normal again. He slowly trudged into the kitchen and opened up the freezer. The cool mist rolled out onto his face and he sighed with relief. His face was beaded with sweat. Harry reached into the freezer and wrapped his hand around a small cold carton that was his half eaten container of Neopolitan ice cream. The boy pulled it out and popped off the lid, tossing it on the table, and grabbing a spoon from one of the drawers. He stuck the spoon into hardened the ice cream and took a bite. He really liked Neopolitan ice cream.

Harry made his way back out of the kitchen towards the common room. He opened the doors and was met by the same dark silence that the entire house seemed to take on in the still of the midnight. Harry sat down on one of the couches facing the unlit fire place, and continued to pick at the ice cream, scooping out more of it and putting it in his mouth, letting it melt slowly. It seemed like he had been sitting there for an eternity when suddenly, the room leapt to life as a fire burst into the fireplace. Harry jumped violently, gagging himself with the spoon and choking forcefully against the reflex. Once the coughing had subsided, Harry shielded his eyes against the fire light that was burning his night vision. Once his eyes accustomed themselves to the sudden light, he glanced around to see who had set the fire, because it certainly had not been him. He saw a figure sitting on the other couch, holding a wand towards the fireplace. The person looked over and Harry was greeted with the scarred, but kind face of Remus Lupin. Harry wiped the tears off his cheeks that had run down when he had hacked and coughed himself to death only a moment ago.

"Remus," he said, and it was very quiet. He took another bite of his ice cream and could see the man get up out of the corner of his eyes. Remus walked over and sat down beside him. They sat for a long time, not saying anything, just letting the fire warm them, and smelling the Neopolitan ice cream as it melted a little from the heat. Remus shifted in his seat so his weight was on his right hip instead of his left. Harry could hear the man sigh out through his nose. Harry wasn't sure if the man had heard him say his name, but he didn't really need him to respond. It was Remus, however, who broke the silence.

"So," he began. "What is it that brings you down here?"

Harry watched his ice cream carefully as if it might escape his grasp while he was distracted. He dug his spoon into it and took a bite, chewing quickly and swallowing. He shrugged a bit.

"No doubt the same thing that brings you here," Harry said, his voice sounding much cheerier than he felt. Remus nodded as he watched the boy eat the ice cream he held in his hand. Remus chuckled a little.

"A little hungry?" he asked. Harry smiled wide, and laughed, nodding. He looked over.

"Want some?" he asked. Remus smiled, waving his wand, transfiguring a marble he pulled from his pocket into a spoon. He took a small scoop from the carton and put it into his mouth, letting it melt on its own. He shook his head.

"Been a while since I had any of this," he said, taking another small bite. Harry shrugged a little. He had, in truth, not had any in a few years himself. He did not know what had made him want some the day before. But it made him very happy. Harry was watching his spoon as he scooped ice cream out of the carton. He was thinking about Sirius. He looked at Remus.

"I could hear Sirius down here," he said. Remus stopped breathing for a half of a second, feeling his heartbeat skip. He leaned back, snapping and holding out his hand, letting the marble drop back into it. He tucked it away into his robes and leaned his head back on the overstuffed couch. He had heard Sirius too. Many nights, in the dead of them, when he could not hear his own thoughts racing through his head, or feel his heart beating against the sweaty palm he had pressed to his chest. Sirius's voice haunted his nights, even his days. Sirius's past words spoke to him when he was not doing anything. When the snow fell quietly outside and the fire was burning to embers on the hearth. In truth, there were few times that Remus could escape Sirius's soft, purr of a voice. It seemed that Harry had the same problem.

"You heard him?" Remus said, looking at Harry. The boy nodded, taking another bite of his ice cream. He licked his spoon casually, sticking it back into the ice cream, putting the carton between his knees and wiping the melted ice off his hands. He held the carton by the rim, staring into the flames and choosing what it was he was going to say.

"I heard Padfoot…walking about…making a racket…" he muttered, pausing between a few words. He took another bite of ice cream, and swallowed, but it was hard to get the cool sweetness to squeeze past the lump that was in his throat. Maybe he was dreaming it. Maybe he really couldn't hear anything. Harry watched as the chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry ice cream blended together to make a sweet concoction that resembled a sweet candy he'd eaten once. He could not get his mind around the thought that he _wasn't_ really hearing it. He shook his head then shrugged. "Maybe I'm crazy, Remus."

Remus's eyes widened. He shook his head emphatically, wanting to touch Harry's shoulder and tell him that he was wrong.

"You aren't, Harry. Nor could you ever be," Remus said. Harry smiled.

"Are you so sure, Remus?" he said looking at the man. "Are you confident enough to say that?" Remus watched the boy, puzzled. He did not know where the child was taking this conversation, and he was not sure he wanted to know. He cocked his head.

"Yes, Harry. I am sure, and I'm very confident," he said, his voice a _little_ unsure. Harry was still watching the man, his eyes on Remus but not seeing him. They were unclear, and glassy, and the boy was obviously thinking deeply. His eyes suddenly came back into focus and Remus saw tears glisten in them.

"Confidence and surety. What is worth, Remus? I was confident that I would live with Sirius after his name was cleared. I was sure that Sirius could easily fight Bellatrix Lestrange, and win. But what _did_ happen? Sirius is gone and I'm _still_ in the iron cuffs of the Dursleys, all that's left are phantoms that awake a cursed wretch and a werewolf in the middle of the night, just so they can sit in the common room and share ice cream and think of how they should have stopped the flow of events, frozen time and thought about their actions. But we didn't, Remus, and we couldn't, and what does that leave us with?" Harry's breathing had sped up again and his head was spinning. He was just talking now, just letting everything out. He stood up, the carton of ice cream he had been holding, toppling to the floor. He stood motionless not wanting to understand or realize the impact of what he had said. He had to blame someone. If he didn't blame someone he would explode. He didn't want to blame himself; he badly wanted to feel not at fault for what had happened. But he couldn't.

Remus' brow knitted in worry, and sadness. He hated when Harry got like this. It was the fault of nights of insomnia, the desperate need for closure, the fury for lack of anything else to feel in the emptiness of guilt. Remus had suffered from it too. And many times the result of it was a bedroom ripped apart, the fury of his werewolf coming out in him, even though it was a new moon. Harry's often manifested itself in words and scuffles. It seemed words would be the issue this evening.

"Harry…I don't know what it is that is going through your mind, but I have an idea it is the same thing that stays on mine," Remus muttered, standing and walking over to Harry. He was watching the fire, not Harry, and considering what the boy might say in response.

"It's on my mind all the time. Constantly, without stopping. I want to ease it, except nothing but sleep wards it off, and that's just the thing it repels. It's maddening, Remus, and its getting to me, making me hate everyone around me," Harry said, almost too quiet to hear. He cast his gaze about the room in front of him. Suddenly, his intake of breath hissed through his teeth as he felt something cold on his foot. He looked down and wrinkled his nose. "Damn…" he muttered. The ice cream had run out of its carton and over his toes. He rubbed his temple then heard a soft chuckled from behind him. He looked over his shoulder. Remus had his wand in his hand. He waved it and the mess cleaned up, the carton sitting itself upright. Harry smiled, the pounding in his head easing a little,

"Harry…" Remus said, placing his hands on the boy's shoulders and turning him around. Harry's eyes were watching Remus, the tears that had glossed them a few moments before, streaking his cheeks and jaw. Remus smiled. "Harry, if sharing ice cream and waking in the middle of the night brings us to the point of understanding why it is that we cannot stop time, and don't have time to consider our actions, then so be it. There are things going on here, Harry, that many of us don't understand," Remus smiled wider. "Not even Severus, though God knows he would never admit it. I know what you're feeling, and so do the rest of us. Knowing why Sirius is gone won't change anything. Understanding the reasons for his quick loss will only make us more bitter than we were before. But words don't solve anything…surely not these."

Harry let his eyes drift down to the floor. He was right; words did not make him feel better or worse. But knowing that he was not in this alone did make him feel like sharing ice cream and exchanging words was worth something. There was very little, Harry suspected, that _would_ in fact make him feelcompletely better. But the things Remus said, gave him an odd peace. It did not make him feel better, but only different. Harry sighed. He could see thestars shining in the window. It was always clearer in the winter. Harry shut his eyes and wiped the tears off his face.

"And if we're wrong, Remus? If words really could change the way we feel? From anger to fury. From sadness to devastation. What if words could dictate everything we knew? What if words _could_ solve anything?" Harry said. He did not know what had possessed him to say it. But he was intrigued by what Remus might say. The man stepped back, his hands dropping to his side.

"I don't know, Harry. I really don't. I would…" but Remus could not continue, and Harry hadn't really expected him to. Harry knew that words were too misleading to lead anyone. Harry looked at the floor. Remus sighed. Harry could tell that the man wanted to say something else, but he couldn't, or wouldn't. Harry tried to speak, tried to say something other than what he had been saying for the past twenty minutes. But nothing came out. No words would fall from his lips. Only more tears welled up in his eyes. He put a hand over his eyes, trying to breathe through his constricted throat. He began to gasp. Gasping desperately for air.

"Harry," Remus said, grasping the boy's shoulder, as he heard Harry begin to sturggle for breath. "Calm down."

Harry shook his head, trying to fill up his lungs, and feeling the air burn past the lump in his throat.

"How do you ever learn to breathe again?" he gasped, angrily wiping at tears that seemed to never stop. "When you wake up in the middle of the night and hear…sounds, and you can't get them out of your head, how do you…keep _breathing_! What stops you from just dying…I just…" but Harry's throat would not let him say anymore. He felt Remus take his shoulders and squeeze them.

"I don't, Harry. I get just as frightened as you do," Remus said. He reached up and pulled the boy's hand away from his eyes. Harry looked at him. "And that's alright. You'll breathe again. One night when you do not expect to feel air in your lungs, it'll fill you up and you'll breathe. I _promise_."

The two merely watched each other for a long time. Thinking about what the other had said and wondering if it were true or not. Harry was feeling his constricted throat ease a little, but it was still so hard for him to take a breath. He was holding onto Remus's hand for dear life, as if it would pull him out of hell should the floor open up and swallow him. He felt Remus's grip on his shoulder tighten a bit. They were both relying on the other. And that seemed alright.

Finally, Harry could breathe again and as he loosened his grip. Remus loosened his own and soon their arms were at their sides and they were staring at each other. Harry's eyes were red and so was his nose. Remus smiled at them, chuckling a little. Harry laughed, and soon they were both laughing out loud. When they quieted, Harry look at his watch. It was very late.

"Thank you," he muttered. Remus smiled, then yawned.

"I think we should sleep now. Who knows what time we'll be getting up at," he said.

"We should share ice cream more often," Harry said as he turned to leave. Remus smiled and nodded.

"Agreed."


End file.
